my shit smells like andre
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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