So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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