She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
