he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
