If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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