you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
babies were throwing up all over the place
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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