you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
