i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
