I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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