I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
