gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
