Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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