i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
