Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
