actually, I'm a sock model
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
