i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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