Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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