based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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