So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
