and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
should my penis look like a turkey
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
