i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
