Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
