saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
People in love make me want to vomit
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize