I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
