The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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