I smell stomach acid.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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