Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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