You just made me feel so damn special
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
