my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
