Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
