we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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