i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
