I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize