she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
