people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i think my cat just said my name.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
