Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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