ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
