Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hippo gnu deer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
