I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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