Your face is a jimmy john
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
