have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
