the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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