I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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