Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
