He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
