dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
