Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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