omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
