winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
