i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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