there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize