I CAN MOONWALK!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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