I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
