I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
