Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
