Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
