she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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