Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
