she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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