so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
