In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
