Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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