Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
