Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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