I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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