I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize