I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
