my phone needs a breathalizer
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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