You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
