you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He? As in you personified your dick?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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