I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize