You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
