Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
