I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
