I'm jealous of your bromance
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize