Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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