yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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