i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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