She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Small penises have feelings too.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize