the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
