I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wear drunk well.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
