So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
