Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
