She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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