i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
