I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
