we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
