She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
