in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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