Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
