no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
