love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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